How can one prepare for when someone takes their own life? How can anyone overcome that kind of pain when it happens? Truth is, when these sort of things happen, they almost always come by surprise, and they are never easy to deal with. It’s hard not to feel guilty, or like you could have done more, but there is no way you really could have known. There is so much we don’t know. We don’t know what burden that person may have carried or what struggles were weighing them down. We don’t know what could have led them into thinking they had no other choice, we can’t truly know why another person could ever take their own life. Constantly wrestling with the “whys” will get us no where. It’s easy to just wish we could have included one more “hello” or “goodbye” in their life, but honestly no matter how many “hellos” and “goodbyes” you had, you will still always have the unfulfilled feeling, because when death takes someone you love away from you, it will always hurt no matter what. Doing one thing differently would have not made it any easier. It is a hard reality, and there is truly no single correct way of learning how to cope with it for each person may struggle and deal with it differently. Life is sometimes painful and hard, but the biggest battles we will ever face is learning how to overcome those painful struggles.
can be such a struggle for me, especially if what the person did really hurt me deeply. Even when I forgive a person, I often find myself going back to the time that they hurt me and I feel hurt all over again. Over thinking is my specialty. Moving on is so much harder than forgiving. And yes, they are two different things.
Today at dinner, it was the first time I came out of my room all day. I barely ate anything, because I just didn’t have an appetite. Then my dad asked me if I was depressed, and I replied with a simple “no.” But as soon as I said no I felt something; like a streak of saddness that stabbed me in the heart and it came out of no where. I ignored it. I went to my room and thought about it… Am I really depressed? I don’t know what I am.